First I drink a cognac then a twenty year malt
Got to get ready for this evening’s assault
Half a pint of Stella and a packet of crisps
I’m gonna show the world what an animal is
Yes please love, I’ll have half a pint of cider
There’s two sides to me, I’m like Jekyll and Hyde
Got to get off now lads, I’m expecting trouble
Got to get stuck in to my crossword puzzle

I don’t like to dance and I don’t like to fight
But what else can you do on a Saturday night
While my mates are all out looking for a scuffle
I’m sat here in my shed with a crossword puzzle
I don’t like to dance and I don’t like to fight
But what else can you do on a Saturday night
While my mates are all out looking for a scuffle
I’m sat here in my shed with a crossword puzzle

I get home late, it’s way past five
My missus is waiting for me to arrive
She has my special pen and my dressing gown
All I can think about is seven down
We met last night, my most recent foe
I won’t let it get away, I won’t let it go
I’m not going to fail, I won’t let it win
I’m going to fill this crossword in

I don’t like to dance and I don’t like to fight
But what else can you do on a Saturday night
While my mates are all out looking for a scuffle
I’m sat here in my shed with a crossword puzzle
I don’t like to dance and I don’t like to fight
But what else can you do on a Saturday night
While my mates are all out looking for a scuffle
I’m sat here in my shed with a crossword puzzle
I don’t like to dance and I don’t like to fight
But what else can you do on a Saturday night
While my mates are all out looking for a scuffle
I’m sat here in my shed with a crossword puzzle
I don’t like to dance and I don’t like to fight
But what else can you do on a Saturday night
While my mates are all out looking for a scuffle
I’m sat here in my shed with a crossword puzzle